Akatsuki Ultimate Grill A Thon
by AkiraDawn
Summary: It's time for the 15th Annual Grill-A-Thon! What will Akatsuki prepare this year? Will they win the super competitive picnic games? Will anyone catch something on fire? Will Orochimaru and his crew claim the title for best grill recipe? Enjoy!
1. Kisame: Mega Organizer

Akatsuki Ultimate Grill-A-Thon

Yes, there are original characters and OOCness in my stories (that's my new disclaimer). Don't own Naruto and I don't profit from these things. Enjoy!!

"So…I um…I have an announcement." Kisame said reluctantly.

"You met some girl that also kind of looks like a fish, yeah? Oh! Or maybe even a squid, or an octopus or…oh my god a whale! Am I right, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"No…the leader entered us in the fifteenth annual city grill-a-thon. The day of family fun, games, prizes and the quest to find the best grill recipe of 2008." Kisame read from the flyer.

"You know, I'm sorry but why the hell does he enter us in this stupid shit! I mean, remember the bake off? God…so..much…self rising flour…" Zetsu reminisced in horror.

"I know, I know but it means a lot to the leader if we enter this and maybe even place in the top three." Kisame said.

"So does this mean we have to plan all the aspects of the competition now?" Hidan asked.

"Yes, I'll get the tablet." Kisame said reaching for his organizational tablet.

"Alright, now the rules of the grill-a-thon are simple. We are going to be competing against other teams to produce the best grill recipe. Now, last year some group from the Rain country won it. Whatever we prepare we have to have enough to allow samples throughout the day as well as a judging presentation. Oh, and the recipe must have a name. It can't be something like: 'barbeque pork'. So, this takes us to the first part of our quest…who has an amazing grill recipe that will certainly place us in the top 3 finalists?" Kisame waited as no one said anything.

"Oh! I know a grill recipe, yeah. Deidara finally said happily.

"Well, what is it?" Zetsu wanted to know.

"Grilled corn, yeah!" Deidara declared.

"What?" Itachi asked him slightly disgusted.

"Yes! I so saw this on a cooking show once where this was like this guy and he put corn on the grill….grilled corn, yeah!" Deidara explained.

"Wow…honey that…is a great idea." Marisol said completely in shock as if this was the most mind blowing concept she had ever heard of.

"Barbeque chicken is so last year. Let's not cook that." Itachi insisted.

"Yeah and I refuse to cook any rib recipe. Remember how that dog chased down Tayuya last year because she smelled like the smoke flavoring?" Sasori said.

"That was so freaking hysterical! God she ran like half a mile and Kabuto was chasing after her with steak sauce for god only knows what reason." Zetsu said remembering the good times.

"Okay, okay so we don't' have a grill recipe right now. But we can talk about the other duties. We need someone in charge of the beer. We have to get our theme song, we're going to need a t-shirt design, lots of plastic forks and paper plates. Someone has to be in charge of the rain gear. Of course there's someone in charge of getting charcoal and lots of it and the most important job of all..manning the grill. I'll speak now and say Sasori that's all you again since you seem to be the only one who doesn't burn anything down at those competitions." Kisame said.

"Yeah, you mean like the year Deidara send a flaming shish kabob into the judging tent?! Oh my god we almost got kicked out that year!" Sasori scolded him.

"I didn't know it would fly off the skewer yeah! Besides I had gotten charcoal on my shirt!" Deidara tried to defend himself. He was not successful.

"Alright, well we have lots to think about. We need ice, coolers of ice."

"Oh my god please find out if the leader wants Pepsi or Coke products this year. Remember how last year we purchased Coke products and god forbid…we didn't realize he didn't like Orange Crush and that was in our purchases? Talk about hell freezing over!" Konana said.

"Yeah, we need to okay that." Kisame agreed.

"Okay, so let's start simple. Our theme song. The song that we play as our title theme for when people come to sample our stuff and most importantly of all…the song that's played when we take our food to the judges. Now, I personally thought that last year's selection of 'Do Your Chain Hang Low' was completely stupid. So, I'm giving everyone a piece of paper….write down a song suggestion and nobody put your name on it! Tobi will draw them out of this bag and we'll vote on each one." Kisame explained.

Exactly 7 minutes later…

"Alright Tobi pull out a song." Kisame told him. Tobi reached into the bag and pulled out the first paper…

"Please read it Zetsu." Kisame asked him.

"It's Jump by Van Halen." Zetsu said.

"Oooh okay, not bad not bad. I'm going to write that down no one vote yet." And next…

"This one is…Money Money Money by ABBA." Zetsu read it.

"Riiiight because Kakuzu didn't write that one." Itachi said diverting his eyes toward Kakuzu.

"What? I enjoy songs about finances!" Kakuzu said. Next…

"The Way I Are by Timbaland." Zetsu read.

"Who wrote that?" Pein wanted to know slightly irritated. I hear the leader working on his weight set constantly to that song.

"Alright, alright. This one is…Livin on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. Now that one is a classic." Zetsu said. Kisame was still busy writing.

"Hurry up Tobi draw another one so we can get on with this." Tboi picked out another song.

"Oh my god! Is this some kind of stupid joke? The theme from Bob the Builder!?" Zetsu said.

"It's a catchy tune!" Tobi argued.

"Well, now we know who picked that one." Konan added.

"This one is…Purple Rain by Prince." Zetsu said. Tobi reached in again. He seemed thrilled with his super helpful job.

"Welcome to the Good Life by Kanye West. Oh and there is a little note that reads 'Dana did not pick this'." Zetsu added.

"Takes all the mystery out of it." Hidan said sarcastically. And for the next one…

"The Hallelujah Chorus by George Frederic Handel? HIDAN!"

"WHAAAAAT? I DIDN'T WRITE THAT DAMN IT!" Hidan shouted getting very defensive. In his defensiveness Zetsu was reading the next song.

"Take you There…Sean Kingston. And might I add that there is a note on this one saying 'Deidara wrote this'."

"Deidara!" Kisame yelled at him.

"Sorry, I thought you said DO write your name on it, yeah."

"This one is Paradise City by Guns-n-Roses."

"God that is such a fucking awesome song! It's old but it's great!" Hidan said.

"Man Eater by Hall and Oates…um….sorry it was all I could think of. I know that song sucks. Just throw it out now." Zetsu confessed.

"No Zetsu, it all counts." Kisame reassured him.

"Whatever you say. This one is No One, Alicia Keyes." Tobi pulled out the last piece of paper.

"We're All in This Together…the theme from High School Musical..wow that's…wow so stupid." Zetsu said out loud.

"Okay, so now all we have to do is vote on these selections and this could take all afternoon so let's begin by eliminating the Bob the Builder theme, the High School Musical thing, and Man Eater? Is anyone against that?" Everyone seemed to agree that those selections were stupid.

"Sorry, I had that dumb High School Musical song stuck in my head from yesterday. I know it's a bad choice." Marisol admitted.

"Okay, any suggestions?" Kisame said.

"NOT the Hallelujah Chorus!" Kakuzu said.

"Oh I see how you are you little shit! In that case we're not doing that stupid money song!" Hidan argued him.

"You just say that because you want to challenge me! You know what a die hard ABBA fan I've always been!" Kakuzu yelled at him.

"Oh come on Kakuzu! You didn't like them UNTIL they made that song!" Hidan challenged him again.

"Take that back dumb ass! You know how I know every word to Dancing Queen!" Kakuzu shouted back. Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Okay, okay no ABBA…what about Livin on a Prayer the Bon Jovi song?" Kisame suggested.

"No! We are in 2008! That song is too old!" Itachi insisted.

"Well, he is right." Sasori answered.

"Yeah, I guess so even though that song is freaking sweet. Alright, what about that Kanye West Song?" Kisame asked.

"I love songs on the radio!" Tobi said out of absolutely nowhere. Everyone looked at him.

"Yes Tobi that is…just great, yeah." Deidara told him. "Yeah, I want that song." Deidara said.

"I guess that is a little better than the Hallelujah chorus." Hidan said.

"Oh my god! I so picked that one, yeah!" Dana said excitedly.

"Dana, honey you are so good at things like this." Itachi told her kissing her forehead.

"Okay, then we go with that one. Next…we talk about who's going to participate in which games this year." Kisame said flipping his paper over. This was going to be a long day.


	2. Dana's Unique Talent

"Tobi! Breathe! It's just banana pudding! Remember how we talked about getting over excited about pudding?" Zetsu scolded him. Tobi sighed.

"I'm very sorry Zetsu…it's just that I love banana pudding…with the bananas and the graham and whipped topping." Tobi said regretfully.

"Well, now you're covered in pudding and I'm going to have to go get you a wet paper towel." Zetsu said getting up from the table.

"The games this year are the three person relay race, the dance off, the karaoke contest, the popsicle eating contest, the water balloon toss, the wet t-shirt contest, the crossword puzzle challenge and finally the obstacle course which not any detail is given about that except that you need four participants." Kisame explained.

"Okay, let's get one thing straight! I am NOT doing the wet t-shirt contest again!" Itachi said shoving a finger at Kisame and standing at the table.

"Itachi…you won that last year…why do you not want to do it?" Kisame asked.

"Oh…I did win that didn't I? You know why I won it? Because I'm hot."

"Lola...Lola will do the wet t-shirt contest." Hidan proclaimed.

"No! We need Lola for the water balloon toss. She played powder puff football in college!" Sasori interjected.

"Oh yeah, god I will work those bitches over with that." Lola said.

"Okay, so Lola is going to do the water balloon toss. Sasori can you catch the balloons?" Kisame asked.

"Hell no. I'm no athletic and I got disqualified for using chakra strings one year…those damn judges! But hey, Konan can catch." Sasori confessed. Pein agreed with him.

"Yes! Put Konan and Lola in for the water balloon toss. They will win that." Pein said.

"Hell yeah we will!" Konan said slapping Lola a high five.

"Okay, Lola and Konan will do the water balloon toss. The relay….last year we came in fourth place because Diedara had to stop and fix his hair…Deidara you will not do the relay this year." Kisame said.

"Tobi can do the relay!" Tobi said happily in third person.

"No Tobi will NOT do the relay!" Zetsu warned him.

"Kakuzu, me and Zetsu will do the relay." Kisame said jotting that down.

"Wait, wait…Kisame…my plant head is very top heavy why don't you put Pein in?" Zetsu said.

"Pein is that okay?" Kisame asked.

"You bet." Pein agreed.

"Crossword challenge….Sasori that's all you." Kisame wrote that down too. You're allowed three helpers who do you want?" Kisame asked.

"Zetsu." Sasori answered.

Meanwhile somewhere in the Sound Country the planning wasn't going nearly as well…

"No! No! No! No! I will not do the dance off with Kimimaro!" Tayuya yelled.

"But Tay…" Kabuto started.

"Don't you but Tayuya me! He wants me so bad he can't stand it! He'll make up all these ridiculous provocative dance moves!" Tayuya shouted.

"I do not want you that way Tayuya!" Kimimaro yelled at her. 

"Fine! Fine! Just shut the hell up both of you! Me and Sasuke will do the dance off!" Orochimaru settled it.

"I don't think that's a good…." Kabuto cut him off.

"Oh my god! After all the training you and I have done on that Dance Dance Revolution game? How could you do this to me Orochimaru?" Kabuto whined.

"Kabuto it's nothing personal. You're a great dancer it's just that…." Kabuto cut Orochimaru off.

"Oh just say it! You think Sasuke is hotter than me!" Kabuto started to cry. 

"There, there Kabuto. You know I'd let you have your way with me…I'd even let you video tape it and put it on the internet." Tayuya said holding on to him.

"Thanks Tayuya." Kabuto sniffed.

"See, he always gets SO emotional. My god! It's like walking on egg shells with him." Orochimaru said to Sasuke. Sasuke agreed. "Okay, okay now moving on. Jiroubou you are going to do the popsicle eating contest. Last year was a disgrace when Kidoumaru threw up!" Orochimaru shot daggers at him.

"I'm still really sorry about that…it's just that I had too much to drink the night before and…"

"I don't want to hear your sorry ass excuses Kidoumaru…you sucked…period." Orochimaru said irritated at him.

"I'll do the karaoke contest." Kimimaru volunteered.

"Oh no you will not! I am going to own karaoke this year! I have practiced with my 'pop hits through the decades' CD's for 6 months! Don't you even take that away from me!" Kabuto yelled at him.

"O….k…..Kabuto….I'm very sorry. I'll do the crossword challenge." Kimimaru said mouthing 'wow' to Sakon. 

"Alright, I really want to do the obstacle course this year. I swear to god I won't trip in the mud pit again." Sakon said.

"Very well Sakon. I do value your athletic skills." Orochimaru told him.

"You know, I was rejected from professional baseball JUST because I have two heads! The excuse was 'we don't have two hats'. Man…I could be on ESPN right now!" Sakon said. Meanwhile back at the other planning table…

"Deidara…you and Marisol will do the dance off. I think that's an obvious choice. Um….Tobi….how about the karaoke contest?" This was going to be tough since Tobi wasn't good at…well…hardly anything.

"Yay!" Tobi was thrilled and he threw his arms around Deidara.

"Why are you hugging me, yeah?" Deidara asked him completely not thrilled.

"I'm just so happy that I'm useful Sempai." Tobi said. Deidara pushed him away.

"Now…the popsicle eating contest. Last year this was our weak event. We need serious improvement this year." Kisame said. Deidara had his eyes on Dana. Then Itachi's eyes moved to Dana.

"Why are you two staring at Dana like that?" Pein asked.

"Because…I grew up with Dana…you have no idea what she's capable of, yeah." Deidara said seriously.

"Dana…honey?" Itachi got her attention because she had no clue what was going on.

"Oh hey! What? What's going on, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Will you do the popsicle eating contest?" Itachi asked her.

"Hmmmm….are they sugar free low calorie popsicles, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Yes, sweetie they are." Itachi reassured her.

"Okay!" Dana said excitedly. "Oh wait…these popsicles…they aren't longer than like six inches are they because I can't swallow more than that, yeah. Well, I mean I can but it gets challenging especially since the popsicles are like totally cold and Itachi…." Itachi cut her off.

"Dana, Dana you are just so precious." Itachi kissed her forehead again.

"Okay…wow…that's a lot of information. Now, the obstacle course. We need our finest athletes so that would be Hidan, Pein, Lola and Konan." Kisame said.

"It all sounds great." Zetsu said. "Sasori, I will work on my randomized knowledge for the crossword challenge."

"Hey we have a problem, we need two cars this year. Remember how last year we crammed the van so full that Deidara ended up laying on everyone's lap in the back seat?" Pein said.

"Oh yeah, it was really full." Zetsu said.

"No problem, we can drive the Acura MDX and the van. But there are rules. No one will spill anything in my car!" Lola warned.

"Don't worry Lola, no spills. Alright so not only do we have our van but we also have Lola and Sasori's Acura. Now. We need two people in charge of setting up the tent." Kisame said.

"Oh let us do it, yeah! We are so good at that!" Deidara said volunteering himself and Itachi.

"Yeah, okay that's fine. The tent's in the basement. Now, we need to discuss the most important aspect of all…the recipe. We must find someone who has an amazingly bitchin' grill recipe." Kisame said. 

"Oh my god! My mom, yeah!" Deidara said suddenly.

"What about your mom?" Pein asked.

"I just remembered I need to mail her a check for 27 dollars, yeah." Deidara said getting up from the table and running off to find his checkbook.

"Wait…I don't know why I didn't think of this before…the Uchiha family recipe for…grilled salmon with a lemon butter sauce…oh my god that recipe has been in my family for generations. It's super secret…few know it and the ones that do…are dead….except me and my dumbass brother. But I know he won't suggest it to Orochimaru. My dad used to fix it and he and I would always fight! He always wanted the lemon butter to go on first and I always wanted it on last! God I so hate my dad!" Itachi said.

"Just how secret I this recipe?" Kakuzu asked.

"You know the Mangekyou Sharingan?" Itachi asked him.

"Yeah?" Kakuzu said.

"It's that super secret…" Itachi paused. "Which is why I keep it in the super secret place in our unorganized recipe cabinet…behind the giant binder of recipes taped to the back of a Rice Krispie Treat recipe…I will get it." Itachi said rising from the table and heading to his ultra secret hiding place of the oh so treasured family recipe.


	3. Dividing the Tasks

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL ITACHI? SALMON? SALMON?" Kisame was freaking out.

"Were you NOT listening when I was talking about the top secret Uchiha grill recipe?" Itachi asked reading over the recipe.

"I….I mean…Itachi I had a lot on my mind when you were reviewing that recipe!" Ksiame said turning pale over the fact that Itachi wanted to cook some buttered salmon filet on the grill

"Look. Kisame I'm sorry it's a fish recipe okay? It's a tried and true grill recipe. I mean my godit's the best salmon I've ever eaten!" itachi said.

"OH MY GOD! NOW YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT EATING FISH!" Kisame said freaking out some more.

"Kisame! Get your shit together! Do you want to win this year?" Itachi asked him now that he was frustrated.

"Yes, I want to win." Kisame admitted.

"Then shut up and deal with the fact that we're cooking fish!" Itachi said. Kisame sighed.

"I'll work on it." Kisame admitted.

"Alright, for my amazing salmon recipe we're going to need a 2 sticks of butter, a lemon, some basil, a large salmon filet, salt and pepper and one hell of a hot grill. We'll do a practice salmon before the grill a thon." Itachi stated his orders.

"Itachi you just totally revealed the entire recipe." Kakuzu said.

"Well, none of you are my brother so it's cool." Itachi stated.

"I'm going to need a basting brush if I'm cooking a salmon." Sasori told him.

"Don't worry, I'm sure we have one." Itachi said.

"Okay, I can't believe I'm saying this…but Itachi you and Deidara are in charge of our shirts this year." Kisame said reluctantly. We need a good color and a good slogan. And we refuse to wear anything tight." Kisame said.

"But Kisame this season has men's fashions fitting a little more sung than…"

"Deidara….nothing….tight…" Kisame repeated.

"Don't worry Itachi…ours will be tight." Deidara reassured him. And speaking of shirts and slogans…

"What the hell is wrong with you? We are not going to wear a shirt that says THAT! We have all talked about it and we think it sounds gay." Tayuya announced to Orochimaru.

"Tayuya there's nothing wrong with the slogan." Orochimaru said.

"Orochimaru! It says 'we do it rough'! That's stupid!" Tayuya tried to convince him. It wasn't working.

"Well, you haven't said what's wrong with the color." Orochimaru told her.

"Everything that you choose is…PURPLE!" Tayuya yelled at him.

"Kabuto likes it." Was his argument.

"No! He doesn't! He and I came up with a great slogan! Black shirts with 'because our ribs will rock you'. See, that's good." Tayuya said.

"Hmmmm….it is catchy…and Kimimaro does that thing with his ribs….okay we'll go with that." Orochimaru had given in.

"Oh…really?" Tayuya said rather shocked at how easy this was. "Okay…I'll um…have the shirts printed.

"Hey check it out! I found this Corona beach umbrella in Orochimaru's storage…we can so take this to the cookout." Kidoumaru announced.

"Nice. I'm going to dig through that storage and see if we still have that radio/cooler combination." Kimimaro said.

Meanwhile another argument had just begun…

"Deidara what the hell is wrong with you! You know how terrible I look in that color green! Our shirts will NOT be green!" Itachi ordered him.

"Itachi this is a nice color green, yeah. You can get these shirts at the GAP." Deidara told him.

"I don't care if you can get these shirts at Juicy Couture! We're not wearing green!"

"Alright, well let's just decide what kind of slogan we want, yeah." Deidara said rather disappointed.

"Oh my god….I've got it." Itachi leaned over and whispered something to Deidara. Now in the other room, Hidan was being Tobi's karaoke coach…things weren't going well.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO A TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEEEEEEEEAAAAA-AAAAART! TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE…." Hidan cut Tobi off.

"No! Tobi! Damn it! You can't fucking breathe in the middle of holding out your final note!" Hidan scolded him. "Alright, now let's try a different song….Hidan changed the track on the CD.

"Oh! Oh no! It's starting and I'm not ready! Oh god!" Tobi panicked.

"Sing Tobi! Sing!"

"Okay, okay…I'M JUST A NOTCH IN YOUR BEDPOST BUT YOU'RE JUST A LINE IN A SONG! LUH, LAA, LAAA….LUUUH, LUH LUUUH…DA DAAA DA DA….AND SUGAR WE'RE GOING DOWN SWINGING! I'LL BE YOUR NUMBER ONE…"

"NOOOOOOO! DAMN IT TOBI! You can NOT hum stupid shit when you don't know the words! You have to know the words Tobi!" Hidan warned him.

"I'm sorry Hidan I really am. I just get so nervous and…."

"You can't have nerves when you get up there to sing! Now, review the songs we talked about from the 1970's. Those are popular and it's a good chance you'll get one of those." Hidan told him leaving him alone to study.

"The way I see it Lola we need to develop a series of hand signals that way we know when to adjust our throws and I can be ready to catch." Konan suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Lola said. "Come on, I randomly found this condom in the silverware drawer…I have no idea in hell how it got there but it's expired. I'll fill it with water and we'll go outside and practice."

"Okay, I'm going to go out and stretch." Konan said going outside.

"Jiroubou…come out of there. I wasn't calling you fat! I really wasn't. Look I can't help it I have a deranged twin head on my back!" Sakon yelled into Jiroubou's room. "Jiroubou! Come on! I need your help! I want you to help me practice for the obstacle course! You know there's a difference in being fat and being big boned…you're big boned you're not fat!" Sakon tried to reassure him. It must have worked because Jiroubou cracked the door open.

"Really?" he asked sadly.

"Yes, now please come help me practice!" Sakon begged him.

"Alright! You know I can never be mad at you for too long!" Jiroubou hugged him…only it was a bit too hard and he was on the verge of squeezing him in two.

"Ready Sasuke? And 5,6,7,8…step 2,3,4 turn 6,7,8. And pop, pop, drop, lock….no no no Sasuke! Let's try it again." Orochimaru instructed him. "Sorry, I don't mean to yell it's just that I really get into this song. I mean it's Numa Numa and…god you know how I love to nail those moves." Orochimaru apologized.

"It's okay. I'm just off step today. Let's try it again." Sasuke said. And so the dance rehearsal would continue.

"Damn Itachi! Get in here! I cannot just prepare your stupid salmon recipe when I don't have the appropriate stuff!" Sasori was irritated with him.

"Well what the hell's wrong?" Itachi asked.

"You don't have any amounts of any ingredients written down." Sasori told him.

"Oooooh, yeah about that….my dad would just….put stuff on it. But hey, you're a bitchin' cook just come up with something." Itachi told him.

"So Zetsu, I'm a little nervous about this relay." Kakuzu said confiding in Zetsu.

"Don't worry Kakuzu. You won't have to buy any fancy athletic apparel." Zetsu reassured him.

"Oh thank god! Kakuzu said very relieved.

"Yeah, I figured you'd be a little worried about that." Zetsu said.


	4. Itachi's shirt design

"OH MY GOD! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!" Orochimaru screamed.

"ORCHIMARU! HOLD STILL!" Kabuto yelled.

"OH MY GOD IT'S…..AAAAAGGGHHHHH!"

"OROCHI….

"GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! GET IT….OOOOOH MY GOD IT'S ON MY SHOULDER! AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!"

"OROCHIMARU RELAX! HOLD….HOLD STILL! HOLD STILL!" Orochimaru was thrashing everywhere and Kabuto was trying to remedy the situation. "ORO….." Kabuto was cut off by more screaming.

"KABUTO! GO GET SASUKE!"

"OROCHIMARU! OH MY GOD! QUIT FLAILING AROUND….OH MY GOD YOU'RE SPILLING BARBEQUE SAUCE!" now Kabuto was covered in barbeque.

"KABUTOOOOOOOO!"

"OROCHIMARU! STOP! STOP RIGHT NOW! IT'S NOT….IT'S NOT FIRE DAMN IT! IT'S KETCHUP! KETCHUP IS IN YOUR HAIR AND NOW ALL OVER YOU!" Kabuto said rather pissed at him for all the flailing. Now there was silence.

"Oh…it really is ketchup isn't it?" Orochimaru said calmly.

"Yes….it is. Kabuto said cleaning barbeque sauce off his glasses.

"Kabuto, why do we have ketchup?" Orochimaru asked.

"Because, we've been trying to mix the perfect barbeque sauce all day! We've made 47 different variations of our barbecue sauce and they all taste like shit with our steaks!" Kabuto said rather irritated.

"Hmmm….you know Kabuto I blame Sasuke for this. He was talking about some kind of Uchiha family secret grill recipe but he couldn't remember if it called for steak or fish but he was certain it called for barbeque sauce. Let's try another combination this time add less chili powder." Orochimaru instructed.

And speaking of secret Uchiha stuff…

"Oh my god…I LOVE IT, YEAH!" Deidara screamed.

"Okay, okay just shut up and we'll show it to everyone else. I personally think the shirts turned out terrific. Come on, Sasori should have the first batch of fish grilled by now." Itachi said as they took the shirt sample outside where all the grilling was taking place.

"Good, I'm glad you're here. Alright, now I've basted the salmon in the herb butter but do I pour the remainder on the salmon when it comes off the grill?" Sasori asked.

"Hell no! You take the reserved bath, pour it into individual cups for dipping and throw that shit out!" Itachi told him. "But hurry up and finish so you can see our shirts. We haven't ordered them yet because we need to get sizes.

"So….Lola…Sasori is going to smell a hell of a lot like charcoal and fish once he's done. Now I'm just wondering if when he takes a shower are you going to…." Lola cut him off.

"No." she answered quickly. "But, I will gladly pour you another daiquiri right now if you like." 

"Please darling." Hidan answered her.

"Wow! I never knew Dana could suck it like that!" Marisol said happily as she came out of the sliding glass doors with Princess in her arms and Dana following behind her. Right now, both Lola and Hidan were choking on the daiquiris they had been drinking.

"Wow…that….that is something I never ever ever thought Marisol would say. I should write that down like the time Kakuzu said 'I'd like to make a donation'…I wrote that down too." Sasori was explaining to Kisame.

"Oh or that one time Itachi said 'I'll never worry about how I look in polyester again'?" Kisame asked.

"Just like that time."

"Okay, enough of all the….wow Dana….13 sugar free popsicles. Honey, you….are….good." Itachi praised her. "Okay anyway, I would like to show you the shirts that me and Deidara came up with…although I should note that it was mostly me." Itachi said revealing the shirt.

"Oh my god…." Was all Zetsu said.

"Isn't it great, yeah?" Deidara asked all smiles.

"You have got to be kidding me." Kakuzu reacted.

"You know….that's some funny shit and all….but…hell I'm too drunk to think of anything demeaning to say." Lola said.

"You want us to wear that, seriously?" Hidan asked.

"What does it say I haven't….what the fuck Itachi? We're not even cooking ribs! It's fish! And you have a t-shirt printed that says 'RIBBED…FOR YOUR PLEASURE'?" Sasori said.

"No, no, no I'd rather wear the tight shirts as that!" Kisame said. 

"I don't get it." Tobi said after a 56 second delay.

"We love these shirts, yeah!" Deidara said happily.

"Okay…I hate the color…we are not wearing baby blue and secondly like Sasori said…WE AREN'T COOKING RIBS! We're cooking fish! Even though I am TOTALLY freaked out by that….we're cooking fish."

"Okay, now if I can just get some shirt sizes, yeah. I know Marisol is a size extra small…let's see Lola what are you about a large, yeah?" Lola glared at Deidara over her daiquiri glass.

"I'm a medium…a perfectly happy MEDIUM." She told him. Deidara wrote that down.

"Wait, wait….you can't be serious about these shirts Itachi." Pein said.

"Oh I'm serious." Itachi answered him.

"Oh my god! Put me down for a large! I want to be able to sleep in that thing once this grill a thon is over!" Konan said laughing.

"Okay can we please focus on the salmon for a moment? Itachi I need for you to put that awful shirt down and come taste the salmon." Sasori said letting a piece of the salmon flake off. He handed Itachi the dipping butter and allowed him to take a sample.

"Sasori…we…are ready for the grill a thon." Itachi answered.

"Yeah?" Sasori asked.

"Yes…this…is…..the perfect recreation of the secret Uchiha salmon!" Itachi proclaimed.

"Okay, good. That only took me two tries. I'm going to go take a shower I smell like charcoal and fish." Sasori said.

"Wait! Danna, what size shirt do you want, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Are you serious? You can't possibly be serious." Sasori asked. 

"Of course I am, yeah!" Sasori sighed in disgust not really wanting to argue with him.

"Fine…I want a large."

"Oh, oh, oh! Lola this is your chance girl! Sasori is headed to the shower! What are you going to do?" Hidan asked her.

"I'm going to sit right here on my ass under this blanket and get a little more liquored up. And believe me…once I get another one of these in me…the real fireworks will start." Lola winked at Hidan.

"Lola, you wouldn't lie about that would you?" Hidan asked her seriously.

"No baby." Lola answered him.

"Great! Now I have all the shirt sizes, yeah!" Deidara said double checking his list.

"Now, listen up we have 2 days until the grill a thon. Pein, are you going to be providing napkins?" Kisame asked.

"Me and Konan have already purchased over 2000 napkins." Pein answered.

"Wow…that's a hell of a lot of napkins." Kisame said looking at the list he had in front of him.

"Hey, hey, hey Kisame don't you worry baby tomorrow…me and Sasori are going out to buy the alcohol! We better have one big ass cooler!" Lola said already drunker than she was moments ago.


	5. Packing the Stuff

"Alright Tobi…I Will Survive." Hidan said quizzing him on his karaoke knowledge. Hidan started the music.

"At first I was afraid…I was petrified! Not knowing how I'd ever live without you by my side! Nah, nah, nah, luh, luh, luh….okay, okay! Hidan don't yell! This is a hard song!" Tobi acted as if he was going to cry.

"Tobi! I told you to review that 70's CD! They will ask you a song from the 70's Tobi!" Hidan yelled at him.

"I'm sorry Hidan! It's just that there are so many 70's hits!" Tobi said nervous about leaning all the music.

"We're back. Have you two been loading up the van?" Sasori asked Pein and Konan.

"Yes, we have the van loaded but nothing in the Acura…oh and unfortunately the shirts are done. So I guess we're stuck wearing those god awful things." Pein said.

"Well, Lola and I bought enough alcohol to make those shirts look sexy." Sasori said as he and Lola each had two bags of alcohol in their arms and there was more in the car.

"You know what I hate about coordinated t-shirts?" Zetsu asked looking at the finished baby blue t-shirts with the stupid ass slogan that had NOTHING to do with fish.

"What's that?" Kakuzu asked.

"I always have so much trouble getting t-shirts over my stupid plant head." Zetsu said holding up his size extra large t-shirt.

"Hey I'm practicing for the wet t-shirt contest. Would you hit this?" Itachi asked Kisame as he stood there in front of him in his soaking wet t-shirt.

"Why the hell do you have to practice for that?" Kisame asked dryly.

"Answer me!" Itachi hissed at him. Kisame sighed.

"If I were gay and you were my last option….yeah sure…whatever." Kisame said very uninterested in this.

"Oh my god! Gay guys would beat down the doors for me Kisame! I have that edgy slightly angered, pissed at the world attitude going on! Gay guys love that Kisame!" Itachi said much too loudly for his own good.

"Oh god, that's so freakin sweet I just got all of that on my digital recorder." Konan said laughing.

"How much alcohol did you buy? Oh my god we are going to be insane drunks by the end of this!" Pein said in his shocked high squeaky voice.

"That's the plan Pein." Sasori told him. And speaking of plans…

"I cannot believe you stupid asses talked me into the wet t-shirt contest! You know I can't go up against Itachi! Didn't you see him last year in the wet t-shirt contest!? My god even I would let him have his way with me! I'm sorry you had to hear that Kabuto…you know I still want you right?" Tayuya asked sympathetically.

"I know Tayuya, I know." Kabuto reassured her.

"Tayuya, you'll do just fine. My god itachi isn't THAT pretty. I mean look at Sasuke it's obvious that we have the sexy Uchiha." Orochimaru explained.

"Okay, well that was weird. Now I need help loading up our van. We have tons of crap that needs to go to the grill a thon tomorrow." Kimimaro said. Thank goodness they have something to keep them busy.

"Come on, come on let's get loading." Zetsu ordered Kakuzu and Pein. He had his hands full of crap and he didn't really want to drop it all either. Kakuzu and Pein were trying to organize everything in the van perfectly.

"Alright, first we put the fish in the cooler…then we put the other 10 pounds of fish in the other cooler…and those other 4 coolers…those are for alcohol." Sasori instructed Kisame.

"When did you start wearing Ralph Lauren?" Kisame asked very randomly.

"What the hell Kisame? Did you not hear anything I said?

"Something about fish was it? Which I'm still freaked out about. But seriously when? I've never noticed you wearing Ralph Lauren in the past. Sasori just rolled his eyes and shoved pre-wrapped filets of salmon in Kisame's hands. He turned slightly pale.

"Oh my god I look so amazing in the shirt, yeah!" Deidara announced to anyone that would listen.

"Deidara! I told you an hour ago to get the table cloth and the napkins and take them to the door! Have you still not done that!?" Konan demanded.

"Well, it's just that I was helping Marisol pick out which bra to wear with the shirt and then I was helping her decide which shorts to wear and then…" Konan cut him off.

"Okay, okay whatever. Just do it now." She said leaving to help Lola and Hidan move the 26 bags of charcoal.

"Ice…what are we going to do about ice?" Pein asked Sasori now that he was finished loading up the van with Zetsu.

"I'm thinking we just fill the coolers tomorrow morning and when we leave for the grill a thon I'll stop and fill the coolers at the closest gas station." Sasori explained.

"Okay, so what time are we leaving tomorrow? What time should me and Konan be here tomorrow?"

"We have to be pulling out of the driveway by 7:30 tomorrow morning." Sasori informed him.

"Okay, we'll be here. Deidara and Itachi are coming with that giant ass tent. We don't want to be here when they load it.

"Deidara! I thought I told you to guide this stupid thing! That's why I'm back here and you're up there!" itachi yelled at him.

"I'm doing the best I can, yeah. It's just that this tent is really bulky and it's hard to handle and it's heavy and…"

"Deidara! Stop the bitching and move toward the van!" Itachi wasn't happy with him. And while all this was going on, the crew at Orochimaru's hangout were having some difficulties putting everything they had in their stupid purple ORO-CHAN van.

"We need to restack this shit in there, Look, we can't even close the back hatch!" Kidoumaru noticed.

"You know if Orochimaru hadn't insisted on putting that damn grill in first we wouldn't be having this problem." Jiroubou said.

"I know! And now here we are trying to cram these stupid owl lights in there! Why the hell does Orochimaru want to take these owl lights! They are so tacky! Sakon said looking at the alternating orange, green, white, red and yellow owls.

"I swear I think I remember Orochimaru getting these at a yard sale." Tayuya said quite disgusted with the fact that Orochimaru was making them pack all this pointless stuff like owl lights, oh and the extra lawn chairs and of all stupid things…he wanted to take a floating pool raft. Tayuya was very pissed about that.

"Tobi! Tobi! You're in the way! Move!" Zetsu yelled at him as he and Sasori loaded the grill into the back of the van. No one could figure out why you had to take your own grill to a grill a thon. Now Sasori and Zetsu were exhausted.

"Okay, had Tobi not been using the sidewalk chalk in front of the van…that job would have been a lot easier." Zetsu said.

"Itachi! Itachi! I have so figured it out, yeah! Look!" Deidara said very excited about what he had accomplished.

"Oh my god! How did you do it!" Itachi demanded.

"I washed it in the washer with hot water and then I dried it on extra hot heat and now….I'm sexy, yeah!" Deidara said explaining how he shrunk the grill a thon shirt. "Come on let's put yours in the washer now, yeah."

I'm very sorry for the slow update. The next one will be quicker I promise!


	6. Let the Games Begin

"Okay, now back up! Back…..back….back…..back….WHOA!" It was 7:45 AM and Lola was the official traffic control director. The van and the Acura were in place…now the real challenge would be getting set up and start grilling.

"Alright, we have a lot to do! Itachi, Deidara! Get the tent out and set it up." Kisame ordered.

"Oh my god Kisame we look too good to do that!" Itachi said.

"Do it now!" Kisame yelled.

"God! He is such a ass when he does this whole power trip thing. Come on Deidara let's assemble that damn tent." Itachi said walking around to the back of the van to start tugging on the giant tent.

"Okay now Itachi, I've worked a long time this morning with that new tangle leave in cream and I like the way my hair is falling right now so if maybe we could do this quickly, yeah." Deidara said.

"Well, if you would shut the hell up and help me pull this thing out maybe we'd get it done!"

"Alright no drinking before 12:00 and me and Sasori have first preference on the Zimas." Lola instructed.

"We don't like those anyway." Hidan reassured her.

"No, you mean YOU don't like those…Itachi and Deidara will hit those like a hot clearance sale.

"Yeah, you're right." Hidan said. "God remember them like 3 weeks ago….WOW." And speaking of Itachi and Deidara how were they doing with that tent?

"AAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH! ITACHI! MY HAIR IS CAUGHT IN THE HINGE, YEAH! OH MY GOD IT'S GOING TO SNAP! AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!! AGGGGGHHHHHHH! GET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID THING, YEAH! ITACHI!" Deidara, being the borderline genius that he was assembling the tent and was preparing to latch the tent pole when he got his hair in the way of it…well now here we are.

"Oh my god! Would you stop the fucking screaming! I'm coming over there! Deidara quick flailing you're making it worse! Oh my god you are going to so have to brush this again. HOLD STILL DUMB ASS!"

"Itachi! I don't know how this happened, yeah. See when we were assembling the poles I guess I must have leaned over too far because when I was getting ready to latch it I started thinking about the length of my hair and wondering if my ends were getting split and then…."

"Oh my god! Deidara just stop talking so I can get you unhooked!" Itachi demanded of him. So we'll just leave those two alone and check on how Orochimaru's sound nins are doing.

"I told you to untuck the shirt three times!" Tayuyua scolded Jiroubou.

"I don't look good in a tucked in shirt, Tayuya." Jiroubou whined.

"Look, untuck the shirt because Orochimaru needs you to lift all the coolers with the ribs in it."

"Okay, I have 5 different varieties of plates…Styrofoam plates, paper plates, those Dixie plates with the fun patterns on them, plastic plates, and plastic plates with those sectional food dividers." Kabuto said spreading out his plates. Kimimaro looked at him with one of those what the hell looks on his face.

"Kabuto….what the hell is wrong with you? Why do we have 5 different styles of plates?"

"I like to mix it up." Kabuto told him.

"Sure….god I'm not looking forward to seeing what kind of cups you bought." Kimimaro said trying to reposition the grill. "Great, one of the wheels on this grill is all broken. See, this is why we shouldn't use grills from 1986…they are nothing but crap!"

"Sasuke, we must mix a few batches of the super secret barbecue sauce. Okay, now let's see….1 cup of brown sugar…2 cups ketchup…1 teaspoon cayenne pepper…" Sasuke interrupted Orochimaru.

"Orochimaru…maybe you shouldn't be saying the recipe out loud since it is your mom's secret barbecue sauce recipe." Sasuke suggested.

"Oh…yeah…yeah you're right." Orochimaru said finishing his recipe silently in his mind.

"Sakon…did you make this sign?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah, why?" Sasuke was examining the sign that Sakon had made to entice people to come try their ribs…

"Well it's just that….you spelled delicious wrong…it isn't spelled d-e-l-i-s-h-u-s. Who taught you to spell?" Sasuke wondered.

"I've always had trouble with that word." Sakon admitted.

"Kisame, I need a bag of charcoal now. I need to get this grill started. Itachi and Deidara FINALLY have half of the tent set up, the tables are set up with the napkins, the soda, the plates and crap and our ridiculous sign that doesn't have shit to do with fish is hanging out there…now let's go so I can cook!" Sasori demanded.

"Okay, don't worry man. Me and Zetsu managed to get all the charcoal in one trip." Kisame said toting 10 bags of charcoal.

"Wow, I must say we are one of the sexiest set ups here. I mean even though Itachi and Deidara are kind of stupid and can't get the tent set up we are bitchin! God we are so ahead of everyone else!" Pein said.

"And you know what the best part is…I just parked 7 cars at 5 dollars a piece! God I so made 35 dollars!" Kakuzu said waving his money in the air.

"See, these are the special times you treasure in 20 years." Konan answered getting everything on video tape.

"Okay, Hidan. Sasori is busy with the grill so you are going to have to help me warm up for the water balloon toss." Lola demanded of him as she held a football.

"Alright. What do I need to do?" Hidan asked her.

"Just pass this football with me a few times." Lola said. And so Hidan got himself some distance and she threw the ball at him…however he didn't realize how good of an arm Lola had and was now breathless from being a horrible catcher who let the ball nail him in the stomach.

"Oh come on Hidan!" Lola said disgusted with him.

"Lola…" he coughed a few times. "This is a water balloon toss…it isn't the NFL seriously."

"Oh suck it up Hidan and take it like a man!" Lola demanded of him.

"Hey, what's the first event today?" Zetsu asked Kisame.

"The wet t-shirt contest is first today. Itachi better be ready." Kisame demanded.

"OH MY GOD! DEIDARA! HOLD ON TO YOUR SIDE OF THE CANVAS!" itachi yelled at him as the two of them tried to stretch the Akatsuki print canvas across the top of the tent.

"Itachi! Come on the wet t-shirt contest is starting soon!" Kisame called to him.

"I know! I know! It's just that Deidara is a fucking moron!" he ranted.

"Oh my god Marisol aren't cookouts like the most fun thing ever, yeah!" Dana asked excitedly.

"They so are! Look at all these grills!" Marisol said. Sasori had just put the first filet of salmon on the grill and Itachi was ready to claim his title of 'the sexiest' at the wet t-shirt contest. Let the Grill A Thon begin!

Once again another slow update and I didn't get around to responding to any reviews this week…I'm so sorry..it's been really stressful lately.


	7. Water Balloons

"Oh did I own their asses or what? All those people only think they were hot but me? I proved what hot really is!" The now dripping wet Itachi said after winning the wet t-shirt contest and earning Akatsuki 5 points.

"My god I was so close!" Tayuya said discouraged that she didn't win the wet t-shirt contest. "Now come on I thought I was hot. I really had it going on out there!" Tayuya yelled.

"It was a good effort Tayuya, it really was. We're proud of you." Sakon reassured her. "Now come change and help us with the grill.

"Hey did you guys know there was a team from Konaha at this thing?" Kidoumaru asked.

"Oh god who is it?' Orochimaru asked rolling his eyes.

"It's that stupid Maito Gai, his team and that Sarutobi Asuma and his people. God they are so not going to win this." Kidoumaru reassured them

"Of course they won't. We have the best damn rib recipe period." Orochimaru promised them.

"Tobi! Tobi put that down it's not Kool-Aid! That's the alcohol cooler!" Zetsu warned Tobi. 'And shouldn't' you be practicing for the karaoke portion of the Grill A Thon today?" Zetsu reminded him. This sent Tobi into a panic causing him to throw his papers everywhere of all the song lyrics Hidan had written down for him.

"Sasori is the first filet of salmon done yet?" Kisame asked.

"It's close." He answered.

"Okay good. We have to get it cut up into bite size pieces and onto those serving trays that Dana and Marisol have.

"Okay, now that I'm dry again. Lola I've been meaning to talk to you about what you wore today. See, if I remember correctly we clearing talked about cut off jean shorts and high heels…..my god you're wearing those loose fitting Nike shorts and running shoes. That wasn't what was discussed Lola. You look tacky." Itachi told her. Lola said nothing but just stared at him.

"Oh my god! I am so sorry that your hair is all fucked up! God don't you just hate that. Damn and you just brushed it too." Lola said taking her hands into long black hair and messing it everywhere as much as she possibly could. Then she just walked away leaving him in a state of disarray and shock.

"Dana, Marisol do you remember what to say?" Kisame quizzed them

"Yes! Try our fish, or would you like to sample our fish." Marisol said.

"Very good." Kisame praised her.

"You know I think we should charge for samples." Kakuzu said.

"Oh that is so like you!" Hidan yelled at him.

"Don't start with me Hidan! I have a good idea!" Kakuzu yelled at him.

"You're always wanting to do stupid shit like this Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled back.

"It's not stupid!" Kakuzu yelled.

"Okay, both of you shut up! Someone is trying out fish…although I think the only reason they picked up a sample is because they thought Marisol had a sweet ass." Sasori said.

"So who cares? At least someone took a sample!" Kisame said.

"Hey, Lola will you bring me something out of that cooler?" Sasori asked her now that she was all ready for the balloon toss."

"Yeah sure. What do you want?" Lola asked opening up the cooler and beginning to dig.

"I don't care. Mix me something." Sasori told her. Lola loved that job.

"Hi! Do you want to try our fish, yeah?" Dana asked happily to the next person who walked by.

"Why certainly. I do enjoy fish." The passerby answered her walking away with the fish sample.

"Hurry! Hurry Kimimaro! Here comes someone to try the ribs! Jiroubou said shoving Kimimaro toward the person getting ready to walk by their tent.

"Uh…..hi….um….we have ribs…would you like to try them? They're saucy!" Kimimaro said.

"Sure…I'm all about free samples!" the person answered. Just as Kimimaro was trying to convince people that their ribs were the best the next event was being announced which was the water balloon toss.

"Oh my god! That's so me!" And the plate of saucy ribs went flying all over the individual that was about to taste them as Kimimaro took off. Kimimaro's partner for the water balloon toss would be Kidoumaru. After all someone with multiple arms would surely make the best partner.

"Okay, now Konan you remember our technique…smooth and solid." Lola reminded her.

"Oh don't worry Lola we are going to own this!" Konan reassured her.

"Alright, let's do this." Lola said ready to begin the water balloon toss.

"Oh my god you will so never believe who brought crap to cook this year, yeah. Those annoying Konoha people." Deidara reported. "Oh and get this…they are cooking chicken how boring is that, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Deidara! Make yourself useful and get me some more paper plates so I can put this second filet of salmon!" Sasori yelled at him about to drop the salmon.

"Sasori you really shouldn't yell so much, yeah." Deidara said taking his time getting a paper plate.

"Come on Tobi let's go watch Konan and Lola do the water balloon toss." Zetsu said dragging Tobi away from the tent. "This will help you psyche up for the karaoke portion of the events later." Zetsu insisted convincing him that he needed to focus.

"Kakuzu! Quit doing that it's fucking retarded!" Hidan yelled.

"Hey! You just shut the hell up Hidan I've made 37 dollars off selling these samples!"

"You're not supposed to do that! Besides that's very unreligious!" Hidan told him.

"Hidan shut the fuck up about religion for once!" Kakuzu yelled.

"Oh you are one sick son of a bitch you know that!" Hidan yelled back.

"Oh my god! How about both of you shut the fuck up! You're making me sweat and I don't have another change of clothes!" Itachi yelled at both of them.

"This is the neatest thing ever!" Marisol yelled. "I love passing out samples! Oh my god Sasori! Are you done with more salmon these people love fish!" Marisol said.

"God she is so naïve." Sasori uttered under his breath.

"Yeah Marisol hold on. People definitely want the samples they don't want to eye fuck you or Dana." Sasori said the last part soft enough so no one could hear him. "Hey someone give me another lemon and tell me how Lola and Konan are doing."

"Okay, here's the lemon. Now let me go see what's going on." Pein said leaving the tent and heading to the water balloon toss area.

"Kimimaro! You idot! Why the hell did you just stick a rib bone out of your chest? You just popped the balloon!" Kidoumaru yelled at him

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Oh my god! I just got nervous…the rib came out and I fucked up the balloon!

"Great, just great Kimimaro now we're two events behind. The announcer just announced us to leave the balloon toss area." Kidoumaru said walking toward him.

"COME ON KONAN! COME ON LOLA!" Pein yelled at both of them. They were doing an excellent job at the toss. Pein returned to report.

"Alright, Kmimaro and Kidoumaru are out of it. Those Konaha guys are still in it but they didn't look like they were very confident and Lola and Konan are about 30 steps apart and going strong."

"Sounds great. Now do me a favor and bring me one of those Zimas." Sasori asked him.

"I'm on it. Oh can I have one of these other things?" he asked politely.

"Yeah, sure whatever you want." He answered.


	8. Dance Dance

"Tobi…Tobi you can't…Tobi…TOBI!"

"Oh sorry." Tobi said politely.

"It's okay…can't you see that I am soaked with sweat…do you really think I want a hug?" Konan asked.

"Hmmm….well….."

"Nevermind Tobi! Lola we kicked some major ass out there." Konan said confidently.

"Hell yeah we did! Now come on there is alcohol with our names on it in the cooler." Lola told her. Meanwhile what exactly was going on with the Konoha bunch?

"OH MY GOD IT'S ON FIRE! IT'S ON FIRE! IT'S ON FIRE! IT'S ON….."

"LEE! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

"AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

"LEE!"

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

"LEE! LEE! LEE….OH MY GOD FORGET THIS SHIT!" Neji threw a bucket of cold water on Lee.

"Oh my god thanks man I needed that."

"For the love of God Lee will you please quit spazzing ever 30 seconds!?"

"I'm sorry. I really am it's just that these Grill-A-Thons get me so on edge."

"Wait….does this have ANYTHING at all to do with what happened last year? Because I swear me and Tenten didn't have THAT much to drink…but it was enough…"

"No, no I'm over that. It's just that…well Orochimaru is here and he always gets crazy completive and…." Lee was interrupted.

"LEE! THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH HAS ARRIVED! LOOK THIS MAN WISHES TO TRY A SAMPLE OF OUR PORK RIBS!"

"Oh god here we go with this crap…." Neji mumbled under his breath.

Meanwhile….another hysteric was taking place elsewhere.

"I CAN'T BREATHE….I CAN'T BREATH….OH MY GOD I CAN'T BREATHE…I CAN'T BREATHE….DID YOU…DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID TO HER, YEAH…..OH MY GOD I CAN'T…."

"DEIDARA SHUT THE HELL UP! THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 40 MINUTES! MY GOD YOU DRIVE ME FUCKING CRAZY ALL THE DAMN TIME!!" Deidara was fanning himself now. Itachi was beside him half folded over nearly ready to throw up from shock over the fact that they actually heard some of the things that were being said to both Dana and Marisol.

"I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS, YEAH. OH MY GOD I CAN'T…AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!

"There now you can deal with it." Lola said walking by both him and Itachi throwing blankets at both of them so they could go cover Dana and Marisol up. She was way too preoccupied with her bottle of vodka. "Hey honey, how's the grill? Here you can have some of this." Lola handed the bottle over.

"Hey, why are Itachi and Deidara having semi panic attacks?" Kakuzu asked Kisame.

"Oh well you see, some guy just told Dana he'd fold her like a deck of cards and then the guys friend told Marisol told her he'd leave her screaming and sore and Marisol didn't get it and Dana thought the other guy was talking about go fish and she said 'oh I love games, yeah!' but Itachi knew what everything meant because Deidara didn't understand at first and here we are….but I don't' feel sorry for them a bit…they picked out those jean shorts with the 2 inch inseam for them. See, they forget the way all the single guys are." Kisame explained.

"Wow…I think Itachi just popped three rage pills at the same time…god he may try to pet a bunny or something." Kakuzu said.

"Alright, the next event is the dance off. Deidara better get his shit together fast because he and Marisol have to win it to get us out of the tie with the Secret Service." Zetsu said returning with Tobi from the stats posted toward the front of the Grill-A-Thon grandstand.

"Look! Tobi got cotton candy!" Tobi said happily.

"Oh my god…where did you…..get that….I…..love….cotton….candy….and I swear I will PAY for good cotton candy!" Kakuzu said. Tobi pointed to where he came from and Kakuzu took off.

"You know, Jassin doesn't believe in overly sugary snacks." Hidan said.

"We know Hidan." Kisame reassured him.

"Konan, honey get me some more paper plates." Pein asked her as he cut pieces of fish into bite size cubes.

"Oh okay, hold on." Konan started digging in the back of the van for plates.

And at another tent….

"Hi…we're cooking ribs…would you like to try one?" Sasuke shoved a plate a ribs at someone.

"No thanks." And they walked away.

"Um Sasuke….let me give you some marketing advice. You don't' have any enthusiasm. Be excited about the ribs watch this…"Kabuto said.

"Hello there! We are cooking ribs! Can I interest you in a free sample?" Kabuto said thrilled to be featuring this product.

"Certainly! I love ribs!" And he was successful.

"Oh okay, Thanks Kabuto I'll try that."

"Alright! I want to know which one of you has been messing with my mix tapes!" Orochimaru said angrily.

"We haven't touched your mix tapes sir." Sasuke reassured him.

"Oh yeah? Well then why is my 'smooth sounds of the 70's' tape not REWOUND!? Hmmmmm?" Orochimaru demanded. "Oh and another thing….my 'cheer hits and jock jams' tape is in the WRONG CASE!" Orochimaru wasn't happy about this.

"Okay, okay now I can explain that one. See the other day I was vacuuming the front carpet mats and your tapes went everywhere and I must have put it back into the wrong case by mistake." Jiroubou confessed.  
"I will let that one slide….but this doesn't answer why my 70's tape wasn't rewound!" Orochimaru would forget about this for now because the grandstand announcer just called for the dance off contestants.

"Oh my god this is so us! I'm going to have to put my jazz shoes on!" Marisol said so excited that the dance portion was getting ready to begin. She and Deidara hurried up and pulled hair back, changed shoes and took off because they took this thing seriously.

"Hey, I so challenge you to a shot contest." Lola said poking Sasori.

"Oh god I hate it when Lola does this…it always ends so…..god….so messy." Pein said.

"Pein, Lola works hard you let her take as many shots as she can handle, seriously." Hidan said.

"Hidan….no matter how fucked up drunk she gets she is not going to sleep with you." Pein told him.

"I know." Hidan said sighing.

"Come on Tobi let's go watch the dance competition. Anyone else coming with us?" Zetsu asked.

"Oh my god we so are, yeah!' Dana said pulling Itachi behind her. Currently Sasuke and Orochimaru were doing their pre-dance stretches.

"Remember Sasuke, we can do our super secret snake dance move to ANY of the dance songs." Orochimaru reminded him.

"Yes, I remember. Oh and let's not forget about that skater turn if there's anything by Celine Dion." Sasuke added.

"Ah yes….you are wise." Orochimaru reassured him.

"Oh my god…Marisol….we are so much better looking than anyone else, yeah. Oh! Look! There's Itachi's brother that he hates… Wow….who wears purple bows to dance in?" Deidara wondered out loud.

"Hey! This reminds me of that one time at dance camp when….oh wait….no it doesn't…there wasn't any purple there. Oh! But there was this salsa class."

"Thank you for attending the dance off. Contestants Orochimaru and Sasuke the song you will be dancing to is Angel by Aerosmith. You have 5 minutes to choreograph your dance." The announcer said. Sasuke and Orochimaru looked at each other.

"Um….okay we have absolutely no dance moves for this song…what the hell are we going to do?" Sasuke asked.

"Damn it…if only Kabuto were here…that was the theme to his high school prom! Hmmm…I've got it…" Orochimaru started whispering some kind of plan to Sasuke.

"Deidara and Marisol. Your song will be Conga by Gloria Estefan. You have 5 minutes to choreograph your dance."

"Oh hey wow…that's a Latin cong…." Marisol paused and then finally she screamed. "Oh my god I'M MOSTLY LATIN!"

"Oh my god…Marisol! We are like so good at the conga, yeah." Deidara told her. Marisol's eyes grew wide.

"That's right!" she answered him.

"You know what are the chances that those two would end up with a driving hot blooded Latin tune…..my god Marisol burns the Latin ballroom competition alive." Itachi said. This was going to be one hell of a competition.


End file.
